- Why Prisoners Pay Each Other in Fish https://thetakeout.com/why-mackerel-fish-is-prison-currency-sam-bankman-fried-1851049253 6 comments bitcoin
- Robots are coming to Buffalo Wild Wings - Three years ago Flippy couldn’t hack it, and now look at it, a toddler among robots, on the precipice of changing the world. https://thetakeout.com/flippy-wingy-miso-robotics-robot-buffalo-wild-wings-1847927784 21 comments futurology
- Shock spreads across the internet as consumers discover fast food lemonade has sugar in it https://thetakeout.com/chick-fil-a-lemonade-has-lots-of-sugar-1844945820 76 comments nottheonion
- Burger King becomes a leader in fart prevention technology https://thetakeout.com/burger-kings-new-whopper-reduces-cow-farts-emissions-1844379106 3 comments nottheonion
- Woman who wanted shredded cheese on her fajitas spends date night in agony https://thetakeout.com/woman-who-wanted-shredded-cheese-on-her-fajitas-spends-1844204841 30 comments nottheonion
- The Steak-umm Twitter account is one long postmodern soliloquy you can’t ignore https://thetakeout.com/steak-umm-twitter-blasts-covid-19-misinformation-trump-1842728405 7 comments nottheonion
- Subway sues journalists for reporting its chicken is only 50% chicken—and loses https://thetakeout.com/subway-fake-chicken-lawsuit-canada-1840202623 114 comments nottheonion
- New Jersey police have had it with the Popeyes chicken sandwich https://thetakeout.com/popeyes-chicken-sandwich-new-jersey-traffic-jam-1839894205 27 comments nottheonion
- Chrissy Teigen clarifies she is not cuckolding Ronald McDonald https://thetakeout.com/chrissy-teigen-not-in-affair-with-fired-mcdonalds-ceo-s-1839637488/amp 4 comments nottheonion
- Natty Light supports the Washington Nationals in the World Series, naturally https://thetakeout.com/natty-light-seltzer-washington-nationals-world-series-1839328854 42 comments baseball
- Scientist says pizza can prevent cancer, wins international award https://thetakeout.com/pizza-prevents-cancer-ig-nobel-prize-1838403261 230 comments nottheonion
- Cooking competition show will blast entire meals into chef's faces with cannon https://thetakeout.com/dishmantle-cooking-competition-cannon-face-1837371265 13 comments nottheonion
- Burger King’s tagged Instagram photos full of dicks https://thetakeout.com/burger-king-instagram-tagged-photos-dicks-1835690480 5 comments nottheonion
- NYC Burger King has been passing off beef as Impossible Whoppers https://thetakeout.com/nyc-burger-king-beef-burgers-impossible-whoppers-1835324674 19 comments nottheonion
- Seattle brewery cancels release of Crips- and Bloods-themed beers after outcry https://thetakeout.com/mirage-brewery-crips-bloods-gang-beers-apology-1835065374 46 comments nottheonion
- Just holding a beer makes women appear less human, study finds https://thetakeout.com/alcohol-women-sexually-available-less-human-study-1834780911 9 comments nottheonion
- IHOP’s pancakes-in-a-uterus tweet somehow not well received https://thetakeout.com/ihop-mothers-day-pancake-ultrasound-tweet-1834720016 5 comments nottheonion
- Man selling half-eaten pizza slice he claims football star bit into https://thetakeout.com/man-sells-pizza-slice-he-claims-football-star-bit-into-1834476788 3 comments nottheonion
- Gynecologist can’t believe she has to tell women not to put garlic in their vaginas https://thetakeout.com/doctor-tells-women-not-to-put-garlic-in-their-vaginas-1834301079 6 comments nottheonion
- Michigan 5-year-old asks 911 for McDonald’s, cop delivers him McDonald’s https://thetakeout.com/911-call-mcdonalds-michigan-boy-cop-delivers-1834168672 13 comments nottheonion
- Wisconsin restaurant bans unaccompanied middle-schoolers https://thetakeout.com/wisconsin-restaurant-ban-unaccompanied-middle-schoolers-1834001423 12 comments nottheonion
- Judge tells man to avoid Pepsi while on probation https://thetakeout.com/judge-tells-hawaii-man-to-avoid-pepsi-on-probation-1833579566 3 comments nottheonion
- PBR to launch its own whiskey that’s “aged 5 seconds” https://thetakeout.com/pbr-to-launch-its-own-whiskey-that-s-aged-5-seconds-1833126036 5 comments nottheonion
- Okay, who left 20 pounds of pulled meat in an Uber? https://thetakeout.com/uber-lost-found-list-2019-food-meat-1833098882 4 comments nottheonion
- Some dairy farmers would rather you call it "nut juice" than almond milk https://thetakeout.com/dairy-farmers-rather-you-call-it-nut-juice-almond-milk-1832732529 1973 comments nottheonion
- Taco Bell to dial up hot sauces in Thailand because they're not spicy enough https://thetakeout.com/taco-bell-spicer-sauces-new-locations-thailand-1831986267 5 comments nottheonion
- Perdue gluten-free chicken nuggets recalled because they may contain wood https://thetakeout.com/purdue-chicken-nuggets-recall-gluten-free-wood-1831871745 26 comments nottheonion
- Man brought dead raccoon to San Francisco McDonald’s, closing restaurant for hours https://thetakeout.com/dead-raccoon-san-francisco-mcdonalds-video-1831643994 10 comments nottheonion
- Delivery issues: Son reportedly slams pizza in father’s face upon learning dad helped with his birth https://thetakeout.com/son-slams-pizza-in-fathers-face-dad-helped-with-birth-1831577260 5 comments nottheonion
- NHL borrows beer-can technology for new color-changing pucks https://thetakeout.com/nhl-color-changing-hockey-pucks-beer-can-frozen-1831015415 18 comments hockey
- Candy corn is somehow the favorite Halloween candy in 7 states https://thetakeout.com/candy-corn-is-the-favorite-halloween-candy-in-7-states-1829968994 48 comments nottheonion
- Alabama store refuses to stock Pepsi bottles with NFL logo to protest anthem protests https://thetakeout.com/alabama-store-pepsi-bottles-nfl-logo-protest-1829711286 9 comments nottheonion
- Trix switches back to fruit shapes in effort to milk ’90s nostalgia https://thetakeout.com/trix-cereal-return-fruit-shapes-90s-nostalgia-1829438036 5 comments nottheonion
- Taco Bell breakfast thrives even though no one gives a shit about its coffee https://thetakeout.com/taco-bell-breakfast-thrives-despite-the-fact-that-no-o-1829301594 5 comments nottheonion
- Beer Mile runner breaks own world record, then gets disqualified for not drinking enough https://thetakeout.com/beer-mile-runner-corey-bellemore-breaks-world-record-1828419332 7 comments nottheonion
- Thousands of people want to drink putrid mummy juice found in Egyptian sarcophagus https://thetakeout.com/people-want-to-drink-liquid-in-egyptian-mummy-sarcophag-1827800687 5 comments nottheonion
- Chicago is now spreading anti-ketchup propaganda on expressways https://thetakeout.com/chicago-anti-ketchup-propaganda-expressways-1827630938 33 comments nottheonion
- Chicago has begun banning ketchup on its highways https://thetakeout.com/chicago-anti-ketchup-propaganda-expressways-1827630938 5 comments nottheonion
- Woman almost killed by shopping cart awarded $45 million in damages https://thetakeout.com/woman-almost-killed-by-shopping-cart-receives-45-milli-1826839116 5 comments nottheonion
- Olive Garden-loving couple to name their daughter Olivia Garton https://thetakeout.com/olive-garden-loving-couple-to-name-their-daughter-olivi-1820741135 3 comments nottheonion